Thursday, 8 January 2015


Anyone still checking back in here and being bitterly disappointed with my lack of bitter writing, sorry! I'm going to attempt blogging again because I think my brain is turning into something resembling my two-year old's dinner.

Let's Japan

Monday, 3 March 2014


Blogging just isn't happening for me of late is it!?

I still occasionally will stop in though, (like now when a student isn't showing up and I'm bored!) lots has happened since the last post!

*Ryota still isn't talking to his family, which actually kinda suits everyone fine, he doesn't mooch off them for free babysitting, I still go there and chat, the boys still go there... Nothing is really that bad! I'm sure he'll start talking to them again when he needs something, but it's been like 4 months now!!

*BIG news, dog-fucker has left the building!!! 2014 is a good year! She out of the blue a few weeks ago said to me, "I'm going to Thailand!" and I was like, "Cool, sounds fun, get me a fake bag on the way home!" until she explained by 'going' she meant 'living!' As much as I'm happy she's out of my way, I'm actually so much more happy that she's actually having the balls to go out on her own, work, interact with people! So good for her, I'm hoping (and expecting) she'll definitely grow up if she can stick it out there, we may even be friends when she gets back!? OK, probably not, but it just makes me have so much more respect for her already! She's supposed to stay for 2 years, I hope she can do it!

*Since the last post I've been back to Australia for a holiday. 2 lovely weeks of swimming, jogging on the beach, sausage rolls, not giving a fuck about schedules and work. Was so nice, for the first time in a long time I didn't want to come back to Japan at all. Although now I'm here I did miss my own comfy schedule, my inner Japanese person does come at times.

*Ryota and I are going pretty well, although we did have a cracker of an argument yesterday which ended up in him saying to me:
"Get out you fucking cunt!" to which I replied, "No YOU get out, you're the one who doesn't have a job!"...
To be fair to him, he doesn't realise how bad that is to say in English, but he got it once I explained that me attacking his male pride is just as bad as screaming at me to get out and that I'm a cunt. I wasn't backing down and we sorted it in the end anyway!

*Looking forward to April, Spring and the new job opportunities that will be coming what with Ryota starting his own business (aka having no job!) and me working a crazy busy new schedule at various kindergartens and my own school.

Hopefully someone out there is still reading, I promise to try harder to blog!!!

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Chopstick etiquette

I can't believe I didn't write about this!!

I hope someone coming to Japan will look up chopstick etiquette and then get sent here to read all about my ridiculous family and their countless battles...

So, things have been OK since dog fucker and I had the big blow out in summer, but still kinda, tense... It's hard to go back from big fights in my opinion. However, unless I was totally pissed off I'd decided to keep the peace (AKA keep the babysitters) from now on. Ryota made no such promise though and was the one that go into it this time.

I was actually at work so am getting the story from both sides second hand but from what I can tell:
Ryota was looking after the boys while I was working, which for a Japanese dad with family close by pretty much means 20% looking after and 80% going to their parents house while their family looks after the kids. Now usually this is OK, but dog fucker gets cranky about it at random times when she has her knickers in a twist, or she has her period, or she just feels like being a fucker. And fair enough, that's totally her right and would be completely understood in a western country.

So dog fucker had her nose out of joint to begin with as far as I can see. Then they were having dinner and it ended up as Ryota and dog fucker at the table together. Japanese family dinner usually consists of stuff in big bowls that you take stuff from and put on your own little plate, and apparently dog fucker was attacking a giant boiled radish but instead of taking it from the big bowl and putting it on her bowl to cut up and eat, she was cutting it up in the big bowl. Now Ryota pretty much told her to stop being disgusting and take it from the bowl instead of poking her spit-covered choppies and infecting the other radishes. Fuck me, even writing it is so stupid... So dog fucker took real offence to this and told him to fuck off to his own house if he didn't like it. Ryota then let his famous temper go and let rip on her about being a freakish freak who has never had to co-exist with other people, no manners, no social graces blah blah.

This escalated to Ryota hurling some fried chicken at her head and her responding with smashing a plate on the ground. I really wish I had been there if only for the comedic value.
Apparently after that it calmed down a bit and they were just ignoring each other, but about an hour later Ryota was watching telly and dog fucker ended up looking after Bailey and screamed at Ryota to look after his own fucking kid. (or something to that Japanese effect.) Now fair play to her, but still, she's such a bitch that I instantly have to take his side, plus he's supposed to be my life partner and all...

Now the person I feel sorry for is MIL, she was just an innocent bystander, when Ryota asked her who she thought was right, and she sided with dog fucker, or not even sided, but just tried to be diplomatic it seems. Now Ryota refers to them as "the bitch whores" and hasn't talked to either of them in a month. This really doesn't effect me so much except for the times when I want everyone to just piss off out of the house so I can clean it, that just never happens anymore. Lucky I don't clean that often I guess.

Not sure how it will end, Christmas and New year went by with no contact, the next event will be Ash's birthday at the end of this month but I'm guessing we'll probably end up with 2 different parties. Fun and family games!

So please, do be careful with those chopsticks, if you misuse them they may become weapons of mass radish destruction!

Tuesday, 7 January 2014


I have a weird feeling about this year, I'm sure that weird feeling is just me worrying about the fact that Ryota is quitting his job in April and going it alone, but I think it will be a year of changes all round. Not sure who, or why, just a feeling.

I spent New Year's eve vomiting, which wasn't much fun! But I think it was a 12 hour bug because I was fine the next day and ready for the marathon of eating and drinking that is New Year in Japan. Was lovely, top grade beef sukiyaki, beer, wine, shochu, snacks, other people being more drunk and funnier than me, FIL giving out random 10,000 yen notes out for (drunken) otoshidama. Lovely. I really enjoy Japanese new year, now. Of course in a few years when I'm the oldest son's wife who will be responsible for putting on the new year do I'll fucking hate it, but for now it's awesome!

I didn't bother making any resolutions, because they're always the fucking same: lose weight, save money.
However I am going to work my arse off this year and get our house paid off so I can either be debt free or in another really big debt in 2015.

Ryota is still not talking to his family since he had a fight with dog fucker over chopstick etiquette and shows no signs of backing down, doesn't really effect me, I quite enjoy drama when I'm not directly involved. Who knows how that one will end.

We got back into the old routine of school and work today after the break and it feels good to be back in the swing!

Blogging is getting harder and harder for me, I just can't sit down and get all my thoughts into one cohesive block, but when I come up with something worth writing I will, no point forcing it!

Happy new year all, hope it's an excellent one!

Monday, 23 December 2013

2013 the stye

I have a stye, as in one of those annoying little fuckers on your eyelid. I've never had one before but they're really annoying! Kind of painful, itchy, not that big of a deal but still irritating enough to make you a cranky cow.

And I realised this is a perfect way to end 2013, because that was 2013 has been like for me, a stye. Personally, it's been a good year for me, two healthy kids, a decent enough marriage, good job, friends, family... But for people around me it seems to have been a really shit one, hence why this year is a stye, not that big of a deal, but not that good either.

I can think of at least 10 people I know that have lost close family members, my sister's house burned down, my dad was diagnosed with a nerve condition, my mum had both her eyes operated on, Grandma was in and out of hospital, dog fucker remained a right fucker, little brother almost died... All just crappy things that I felt pretty much helpless as I watched on.

The worst thing to happen this year was definitely earlier this month. I'm not sure if I've mentioned him on here before but about 3 years ago I had a 2 year old boy named Hayate start at the school, he'd been coming to lessons for about 2 years when he suddenly stopped for a month because they discovered cancer in his eye and he had to have his eye taken out. He came back to lessons with a patch but a few months later had to stop because he needed chemo. I went to visit him in the hospital in summer and it was heartbreaking then to see him all hooked up to tubes and with no hair, but I thought he'd pull through, he was talking, laughing, I was quizzing him on the ABC... Then I got a mail from his mum saying he'd died. Just gone, the same age as Ash, a happy, smiley, genki little boy, just gone. I went to the funeral and I just couldn't stop crying for days. Which made me feel guilty, I have no fucking right to be so upset when his mum is going through hell, but I just couldn't stop the emotion spilling out of me, I'd be jogging and think of him or his mum and dad and just have tears flowing.

So yeah, rather depressing stuff! I'm hoping 2014 won't be so shitty for everyone around me, and that this bastard stye pisses off just in time for me to drink a lot of alcohol and lounge around for new year! How was your 2013, stye-ish...?

Thursday, 5 December 2013


I'm even too lazy to think of a title.

I always get a comment when I haven't blogged for a while telling me to get off my lazy arse and blog. Like a lot of people, I get all my frustrations out on social media and just tend to have not much to say anymore. Sad really.

Although my facebook page is TOTALLY censored because my parents check it daily. They may read my blog too but at least it's an unsaid thing and there is still some hope that they don't know every painful and horrible detail of my life. I write that like I live in a prison camp or something, actually I have it pretty damn good these days!
I'm working hard, got the house routine down like a pro housewife minus the cheating on my husband and eating bon bons, play on the weekends, jog every morning. Pretty damn normal!

There has been one thing that is really stressful lately though, and that is the fact that Ryota just needs to suck it the fuck up and deal with what he has to do. So Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I work through from 3-8, not that long, but over the pick/up/dinner/witching hours. Ryota has to pick the kids up from 2 different kindies, get them home and feed them the dinner which I've already cooked, so just heat up basically. But without fail, every time I get home, he looks like he's just run a marathon, in a hurricane... with no shoes on and two small people attacking him. OK, the last one about 2 small people attached to him and attacking with toys/chopsticks/any sharp object is probably true, but fuck me he needs to get over it, 2 hours watching kids is not that fucking hard if you're organised about it. Of course, it's hard to say thing directly, because he goes on a rant about how he's been working hard all day and then has to look after the kids by himself, and it's a valid point, but again, no fucking bon bon eating here, I'm working!

So we got into it the other night because I tried to give him some advice, I basically told him the kids would be grumpy if they were hungry, so first priority should be to fill bellies, after that, snacks, TV, anything to keep them quiet is fine. I also suggested that he clean things as he goes, because the house that I've cleaned in the day is just a complete mess whenever I get home. I asked him why I manage to keep some kind of order when I look after the kids and he got really pissed off and told me I should finish work at 6pm, we need me to be a good mother more than the money. Which really fucking stung, and it shouldn't of, it should've just made me pissed. We don't need the fucking money?! Well not now because I earn enough! So I left the room, took some deep breaths and forgot about his comments until the next day when I calmly explained that I didn't want to go there girlfriend, but if you want to start your own business, we need my income to be stable, so please not to go spouting shit from your mouth in an argument about me working too much and neglecting my family. Which he actually listened to and apologised for (I'm getting so much fucking better at this marriage thing!).

So the night routine thing is a bit of a sore subject for us at the moment, I'm sure they'll be a big blow up in the near future, but seriously, 2 hours of kid watching 2 days a week and he's walking around like he's a single dad 24/7, fucking drama queen twat he is.

Wednesday, 6 November 2013


Well I turned 30 and I didn't turn into a pumpkin or anything! It was actually a really good weekend, apart from the bit where I was going out for a few drinks and Ryota chucked a minor hissy fit about me leaving him with the kids and accused me of being a bad mother. I was almost guilted into not going too, but I did in the end. I know how he feels, I leave him with the kids a lot when I'm working but he can't seem to get the fact that I'm WORKING. If I went out every night, or even every weekend on the piss then he'd have grounds to be a little bitch, but I rarely go out on  anymore so it really pisses me off that he would say that. It was all good in the end anyway.

So here is my life in a nutshell until now. Kinda scary...

0-5- I was the 2nd daughter of my British parents in Australia. White, privileged, semi-rich. My parents were both 40 when I was born so I had a pretty tame childhood.

5-12- I went to the local primary school and was a generally normal whitie. I wasn't really that smart, but always diligent and not a total dummy. Lived with Mum, Dad and older sister in the same house since I was born.

11- My sister was a total rebel and amid a blaze of fights with my Dad, moved out of home when she was 16. I felt kind of like an only child from that point. My sister was stubbornly independent so my parents poured a lot into me.

12-18- Went to the local high school and was all round average as regards to study. Again, not dumb, but not smart. I was kind of nerdy in the early years but in the end got in with the "cool" crowd and went drinking on Friday nights and stuff. I was chubby all through high school, I've always been fucking tall and usually chubby. I worked part time at a clothing shop on weekends for extra cash. Studied Japanese by chance at high school and came to Japan for the first time on a school trip for 3 weeks when I was 15. I loved my time here and I think in some ways had already decided I wanted to come back, if not live here one day.

18-21- Got into University for an arts degree and studied Japanese, just because there was absolutely nothing else that interested me. Actually university didn't really interest me, I used to go to classes and then get the fuck out as soon as I could, the only friends I really made there were ones from high school. Met my boyfriend (at a club, not at uni!) who I fell totally in love with. Looking back, maybe that's why I wasn't really interested in uni, all my time was spent with my boyfriend! Said boyfriend and I were together all through uni, until he took a job on an island very fucking far away. It was the plan that I would graduate and then join him or he would come back.

21- My beloved boyfriend dumped my arse on my 21st birthday. Looking back now, I was devastated, but I also was a chubby fucker with little to no self esteem who had only really loved one person. Still, it hit me hard, and I had to decide what the hell to do after I graduated. I contemplated working my shitty part time job full time, but the thought of going to uni when I didn't really want to, only to not use my degree at all was kind of depressing, so I decided to try an interview with NOVA to come to Japan. I got it (Anyone got a job with NOVA at that point, not that I knew that).
I went to Japan scared shitless but feeling slightly like I had fuck all to lose after having my heart broken. I moved in with a bitchy Australian girl and another awesome Australian girl, thank God for the good one, if it had just been the bitch I never would have stayed.

22-24- I drank these 2 years away with a drinking buddy, moved out of the NOVA house and into my own flat, and pretty much worked and drank. So fucking fat with all the drinking and bad food. I HATED men too, I vowed I was never going to date again. I think I needed that time though. At about 23 my drinking buddy and I decided to do a 10km run, I can't remember why, just to see if we could do it maybe...? And we did, and my love of running (which I'd always hated with a passion) began. I also lost lots of weight and screwed lots of guys, a few Japanese, but mostly bar hopping foreigners. It was a fun, but pretty messed up time for me!

24- I met Ryota at a club and we instantly started dating, it was bliss and I remember thinking, "Fuck I'm fucking falling in love again!" 2 months of bliss and my period was late, a home test said "pregnant" and my life was to change forever. Ryota hadn't even said "I love you" yet and we were talking about when we should get married, it was surreal. We went to a clinic in Osaka to check I was actually pregnant and to discuss options, but after hearing about abortion, (to which I've always been/ still am pro-choice) we went for hamburgers and I just couldn't stop crying whenever I thought about it. Strange, because I would think I would instantly consider abortion in that situation, it just wasn't an option for me, plus Ryota wasn't keen on an abortion but said he's support me whatever.

25- I quit my job and went back to Australia for 3 months for Ash to be born. The birth and motherhood in general was the hardest thing I'd ever attempted, I wasn't a natural by any means. Ryota worked for a small landscaping company which had it's good points but the work wasn't reliable and the hours were long. I took a year off to see if I was the housewife type. We also needed a place to live, and by a stroke of luck (or not perhaps) the house opposite Grandma's house was empty and the owner was very happy for us to live there and pay 30,000 yen a month rent (dirt cheap for a house).

26- I wasn't. I think the year I took off with Ash was the most boring and hard of my life. Not only is being a stay at home mum exhausting, it also has very little rewards or appreciation, so I started looking for private students to teach at McDonald's. And I got more than I could handle and decided that when Ash was 1, I was either going back to my old job, or I was going to start my own school. And so we got Ash into kindy and started searching for a place to rent. It took a long time and we looked at so many places, but finally decided on a place near our house that had been deserted for the past 10 years. It was a daunting decision, but there really wasn't that much risk involved, we forked out about $10,000 to renovate the space but apart from that and the furniture there wasn't that much invested.

26-28- I worked hard to build up the school and raise Ash, it was busy at times but I also knew I wanted more than one kid, so I couldn't focus everything on the school until I was sure I was done popping out kids. It was then that I went off the pill and little Bailey was made, I got pregnant in a month, I thought Ash might have been a fluke but no, I'm just really damn fertile.

28- Bailey was born and I never stopped working, because even when you get another teacher in, you never stop working when it's your own school. Ryota and I went through the toughest time of our marriage and I actually thought I was going to join the shotgun marriage statistic majority and be a divorcee with 2 little kids. We got an offer to buy our house for a ridiculously cheap price and took the chance. At the pace we're going it will be paid off next year.

29- Was all about the school and raising the kiddies.

30- So the next step?? Keep the school going, keep the kids alive, try not to end up divorced. And I actually want another baby, as fucking mental as it is. Can't help those damn motherly instincts.